


Peppa Potts

by Caellie_E_and_Vaye_Rue_Y



Series: Spontaneous Fics [2]
Category: Marvel, Peppa Pig (Cartoon)
Genre: Blame Caellie, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Fluff, Let's ignore Endgame, Please Don't Take This Seriously, this was a joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:47:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23031964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caellie_E_and_Vaye_Rue_Y/pseuds/Caellie_E_and_Vaye_Rue_Y
Summary: Caellie: every time i see pepper potts, my immediate assumption is peppa pig, and then i try to figure out what peppa pig has to do with tony starkVaye: HAHCaellie: HFADKLDJFKVaye: Wait seriously?THATCaellie: Y yeahVaye: is AWESOMECaellie: nOT IT'S NOTIT IS A CURSEVaye: I want to write a crackfic now where it turns out that Pepper is actually related/is Peppa pig and TS knew the entire time but nobody else did so one day Pepper just walks in and she's a giant seven foot purple pig and Tony's like "oh hey honey" and the Avengers are like ???Hey maybe she's like the hulk only she turns into Peppa when she's angryCaellie: JDSFNDSJDWhy must you curse me soVaye: It is a blessingMay it last through the generationsCaellie: I hopenot
Relationships: Pepper Potts/Tony Stark
Series: Spontaneous Fics [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1640416
Kudos: 3





	Peppa Potts

Pepper Potts had a secret.

The Avengers didn’t know about it. Tony knew about it, because he was Tony (and JARVIS wouldn’t have kept it from him anyway), and Natasha did, because she was Natasha, but nobody else did. 

Pepper Potts aimed to keep it that way. Not because she was ashamed, or anything, but it took some explaining. And she was busy enough as it was without having to stop and take time out of her busy life to explain her existence to the world. 

She was pretty good at keeping it a secret, though, if she had to say so herself. It had become second nature to her.

But she had gotten lazy. She had forgotten about it, and it had come back to bite her in a way she was conflicted about.

“JARVIS, call Tony.”

“Should I use the loudspeakers, ma’am?”

Pepper half-screamed, the strangled cry turning into an enraged huff as she crossed her arms, wafting a hand in the air like she wasn’t doing any of these things. “Sure! Go ahead! I don’t care as long as it GETS HIM ON THE PHONE.”

The elevator rose smoothly up the tower, so it wasn’t because of that she was shaking. She heard the “beep” of the connected call and didn’t bother to wait for Tony to finish his “Hey, Pep! What’s crackalacking?” cutting him off with a furious “Anthony  _ Edward _ Stark!”

“Oooooh,” someone called from the background amidst the noises of Mario Kart. It sounded like Clint. It was probably Clint. “Someone’s in trou-ble!”

Pepper ignored him. “I told you to finish that paperwork  _ yesterday _ !”

The following silence was loud, and awkward, and hesitant, and did nothing to diminish Pepper’s rage. “...paperwork?”

“The paperwork,” Pepper said, dangerously calm, bottling up her anger into a jar to break over Tony’s head when she saw him in person. “I put on your desk. This morning.”

“...the paperwork I used to scrape the oil out of DUM-E’s joints?” was the response she got.

Pepper froze. “You  _ WHAT _ ?”

Snickering. Probably from Clint again.

“That paperwork was for the approving of the prosthetics line we’re coming out with THIS.  _ MONTH _ .”

“Uhhh... Honey? You’re getting kind of—“

Pepper continued, her head brushing the elevator ceiling. Was she getting taller? “ _ TONY!” _

“I’m sorry!”

“You’ve done it all wrong!  _ Again _ ! We can't release the line if you don’t  _ PERSONALLY _ APPROVE IT. We have the public waiting on us, and the deadline was TODAY, so we needed it done  _ YESTERDAY _ . And guess what? It isn’t done. Who’s fault is that?  _ YOURS! _ ”

The elevator dinged. When she walked out of it she needed to duck but she didn’t think much of it. “JARVIS, where’s Tony?”

“Tony is in the Avengers Living Room,” JARVIS replied, his British voice sounding hesitant. “But might I recommend—“

She shoved open the door to the living room with a might screech of “We could lose MILLIONS of dollars!” 

Clint screamed, throwing his controller in the air.

Steve froze.

Bruce fell off the couch.

Pepper vaguely noted they’d been playing Rainbow Roads.

“I know!” Tony scrambled, both forwards with his body to grab her hands and evidenced by the panicked darting of his eyes. Pepper was gasping for breath after her yelling session, and she glared at him as he took advantage of that to keep going. “I know, I was irresponsible, and I can fix it. But you should calm down.”

“Why is she British?” Clint whispered, the sound carrying.

British?

“And... purple...” Bruce hissed, just as loudly.

Purple? Pepper looked down at herself and—oh. 

Drat.

_ Drat. _

“Oh,” she said. “Sorry.”

“Oh, hi Pepper." Natasha sashayed into the room, seeming completely at ease. "Another bad paperwork day?"

Pepper glowered. "It wouldn't have been had some  _ idiot _ done his job."

"Sorry," Tony mumbled.

"Wait, stop, hold on a second." Bruce held out his hands like they were all antsy bulls and he had lost his red sheet, laughing incredulously. "When Pepper gets really angry, she turns into a giant, British, anthropomorphized, purple pig?" 

"Like," Clint added, " _ Peppa _ Pig?

Pepper was focused on taking deep breaths and trying to sound less British, so Natasha answered for her. "In a nutshell, yeah. They're cousins. Second cousins. Twice removed. Approximately."

"And you're not surprised by that? At all?!"

Natasha swiped a sports drink out of the fridge and flicked the cap off, sending it spinning to the floor where it then rolled to a stop at Pepper’s feet. "Nah."

Clint blinked. "O-kay then."

"How  _ tall _ are you?" Bruce asked, still on the floor. He rubbed his hair around and stared. Pepper felt distinctly self-conscious.

"Around seven feet." She'd thought she'd been losing the accent, but then she snorted. Obviously not.

"So, you're like the Hulk?" Steve asked. Pepper realized he had a fork suspended in front of his mouth and he hadn’t put it down.

"I mean it--" another snort "--happens so rarely these days. But yes, I suppose."

She was no longer brushing the ceiling, but she still felt like doing something ludicrously childish, like making outfits out of vegetables. "I just want all the paperwork to get done properly," she admitted, feeling a headache forming behind her temples. "Is that too much to ask?"

"No!" Tony hurried to say. "Of course not!"

Pepper yawned. She suddenly really just wanted a nap. Her yawn turned into a snort mid-way, and she rubbed her eyes, feeling ready to just be done with the world. "Can I have some spaghetti and jam?"

"Sure!" Tony ushered her away, and she barely felt annoyed. "Anything you want, I know you're stressed."

"That'd be great."

~~~~

Clint rubbed his eyes, his controller laying forgotten in his lap. "Am I on drugs?"

Steve shook his head roughly, blinking hard. "No, I saw it too."

"And we’re just going to accept that?"

Bruce pulled himself back onto the couch, warily taking his own controller off the floor like he was worried another giant purple pig would come stomping out of the elevator. "I guess? Oh--I won."

"I mean, it's over now," Clint reasoned, ignoring Bruce’s statement of triumph. "And it probably won't happen again any time soon, so maybe we should just forget--"

" _ Who FILED this?! _ "

A thud. A screech. A high, childish,  _ British _ (why British?) voice promising bloody murder to whoever misfiled the "incredibly important paperwork with the wrong heading.”

"Wait!" Tony rushed out of the hallway and threw himself into the elevator. "Pep! I'm coming!"

Natasha took a swig of her sports drink, smacking her lips. She paused. “Does anyone know where I can find a camera?”

**Author's Note:**

> (Note from Vaye: "Get Caellie to pay her gosh darn child support 2020! Also, I've saved some of our conversation and it is hilarious if you want to see I have it and it's awesome.")
> 
> Caellie here. Now, before you blame me for... whatever this creation is... Listen,,, it is NOT my fault. I was scanning through some Marvel and DC fics (because Vaye's into that universe, and she kinda got me interested), and I accidentally read "pepper" as "peppa". I had to read it again in order to clear up the confusion. Now, here's where I made my mistake... I proceeded to tell Vaye what I did, and it SOMEHOW PLANTED this RUBBISH idea into her head. And once she gets on a track, y'all, there's no stopping her.
> 
> This was a FANTASTIC idea, and this fic is TOTALLY W O N D E R F U L, and I will GRATEFULLY and HAPPILY support it >>
> 
> ...so, now I have to pay CHILD SUPPORT for this =_=
> 
> Note to self: Never plant bad ideas into Vaye's head ever again. I will only live to regret it.


End file.
